People You Meet on Your Day Off

Every year I usually take my birthday in August off. It doesn't feel right working on your birthday and is a nice consolation to no longer getting lots of gifts or crazy parties. (If you're over 12 and you are throwing yourself a birthday party celebrating a year not ending in 0 or an age marker after which the government deems it legal for you to purchase alcoholic beverages you're a loser.)

Random weekday. Everyone you know is at work. I'll admit there is always a feeling of "maybe I should have thought this out more". After I blast Cracker's "Happy Birthday to Me" a few times, I'm usually at a loss of where to go with it. This year I managed an an eventful morning, but around 2p headed back to the CTW to wait for everyone to finish work and buy me diner. The next several hours I generally spent the day like a homeless person wandering the streets, visiting the library, and walking through Target without buying anything. During this time I was reminded that there are whole segments of the population I never have an substantial dealings with as a 20 something, white guy office drone trapped in the corporate embrace during daylight. Here are a few of those groups.

Teenagers: I hate teenagers. Everyone hates teenagers though so I don't feel bad. Children hate them, the elderly, I'm sure you parents do too. Hell, even teenagers hate themselves. Goofy looking bastards. I forgot how little I actually see them. If anything I only hear them lurking in the shadows of a dark movie theatre. If at night they are voices in the dark, during the day they travel down the sidewalks and through the malls in amorphous blobs, large slow moving packs stumbling from one direction to the next, impossible to maneuver around. Beware being swallowed by the blob, escape is futile. I blacked out after being engulfed crossing Tresser and woke up in a diner a week later.

Moms: I know I have a number of mommy bloggers out there, so I pose the question to you. Are you blind, cruel, or too lazy to tie a knot when you make your kids where Crocs? These are innocent children, they don't know how lame these things really are. And what has happened to the caliber of bully in our nation that they have allowed this trend to infect the youth of America. Let me get this straight, kids can walk our schools and camps with impunity wearing brightly colored, plastic clogs with holes in them?! Where are the Nelson Muntz' of the world to right this wrong! In my day, you could be crucified for a fashion faux pas as simple as the loop on the back pleat of button-down shirts. Or as it was more affectionately known...

Civil Servants: Is there anyone more rigid, lacking common sense, and slow to move than someone in the employ of local government? I'm not talking about anyone in power, just anyone working a desk or phone.

Senior Citizens: I tend to cut some slack here. If an old person pisses me off, I just imagine them as someone's grandparent and move on. You don't want anyone hassling your grandpa or grandma right? If they have access to a computer and post on Topix, you can maybe make an exception.

It is almost enough to make you glad to return to work.